You're why I've been fired from three law firms. You're why I see colleagues who started along with me who are doing so amazingly well financially, while in the couple of years leading up to my 50th birthday, I had a house in foreclosure, two cars repossessed, no money or assets, and several hundred thousand dollars owed in taxes and unsecured debts.
You're why, for years, I led a secret life of affairs, prostitutes, and Craigslist/AdultFriendFinder hook-ups. Until I would feel so guilty that I would stop, only to resume a few years later. Why I eventually deluded myself into believing that my ex-wife had to know what was going on, and so she was giving her tacit approval. Why I discovered instead that it was not a "don't ask, don't tell" situation; it was an "I'm asking, and tell me right now" situation. At the time she discovered what had been going on, I was seeing four women and chatting up a fifth. You are why I actually said to my ex-wife, "Can't I just keep one?"
There are so many examples I could list. You’re the reason I’ve been handcuffed in the back of a police car twice, and why, in a separate unrelated incident, I was able to punch the windshield of a parked minivan and shatter the glass without breaking or even bruising my hand. Let's just agree that before I knew you were to blame, I had just about resigned myself to the fact that maybe I'm just not a very good person. And I guess the jury's still out on that, but at least now that I know you're involved, the story is more nuanced.
You are the source of my greatest pain and weakness. But, goddamn it, you're the joy and the strength too. And the creativity. And intelligence. And drive.